it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
