I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
