By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
