I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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