my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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