I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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