So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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