i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
