If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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