STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
