So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
