remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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