It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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