The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
