I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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