Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Semen is not good for contacts.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
