Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
The chlamydia really affected his face.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Randomize
