I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
