I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
