i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
