Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
