I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
