i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Randomize
