bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
