I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
