What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
well most of my day revolves around power hour
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
