not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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