Kareoke will never be a sober sport
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I'm passing your future prison.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
