youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
