She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
