I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
