I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i would punch a child for taco bell
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
