me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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