He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
