I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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