we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
