My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
