my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Randomize
