I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just gift wrapped bread.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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