Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
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