i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
