i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
