Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
