Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
