Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
