One girl and one boy is just not enough.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
