I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
