i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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