my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
