Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
