You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
