It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
foreskin is a definite game changer
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
