does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
