Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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