i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
