The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
