Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
