I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Randomize
