Christians are straight up FREAKS
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
