thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
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I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
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My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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