my mouth tastes like poor choices
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
