Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
