Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Randomize
