now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
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