I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
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