garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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