Apparently you make a good broom.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
