I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize