I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
My penis needs a shock collar
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
