I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
