And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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