I heard we made out
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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