I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
