god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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