You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Drunk is not a location!
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
