I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
