I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
