i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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